Question comes to me. Am i really an individual or two individuals interwoven into a single body ?
If I go by literal meaning of term 'individual', individual is someone beyond further division,it's singular and distinct from others.No split is possible without destroying intrinsic nature of an individual.
So, if I want to qualify as an individual, I must be singular.
Singular in my thoughts , in my actions , in my all deeds.There is no scope for duality within an individual.
There should be no conflict within ,no self thrashing, no self criticism,no regrets.
How I react , how I talk ,how I respond , should never come under my self criticism.All my actions should be in full accord with my whole being.
But this is not the case.My learnt self or say idealistic self is in constatnt conflict with my ego self.
My ego is hurting me since yesterday. It's blaming me for being submissive , for being timid and for not being able to rise above situation.I am accused of being servile. The situation demanded aggression to preserve self-worth. It expected counter-aggression.
Narrative is strong. ''Sachin, you must guard peripherals of this being with full attention.
How can peace of mind prevail when sphere of your being is intruded and challenged by negative energies?''
It advocates use of animal behavior to guard dignity.Handle aggression with aggression. Throttle anger with anger.
On the other hand, this idealistic self of me ,says to renounce aggression . Subjugation of ego is must for emancipation. Negation of ego is must to transcend beyond misries of ordinary life.
Energy must not be wasted in gurading phoney orchards of ego.
Animal within me ,must be subdued.
Idealistic is against tit-for-tat tactics and have high regards for humbleness.My behavior must not be driven by others conduct. Idealistic recommends regulation of every thought , every emotion and reactive behavior is something to be discouraged.
Whether i am awake or asleep, these two individuals inside me , are in constant struggle.
I am battle field for these two creatures , each trying to prevail over other.